Listen to the AUDIO of today’s Transformation Tuesday, here, or read on.
Ok, friends. It’s real-talk time.
You might not know it, but you have an Inner Judge that is always on, always running, inside.
As you move around in the world, it judges everything you see and everything you experience.
That lawn is so pretty. Or too long. Or too brown.
Rain is annoying. Or, rain is so lovely. But only when you can be inside. Or, only when you can get out into it.
I love her.
He’s so dull.
That tag is bothersome. What she said was not cool. I approve. I reject that.
I hate white cars. Boring.
Those people are so hateful.
I love old people. Cats are annoying. That’s fun!
Her hair would be perfect if it was a smidge longer. Or, my life would be perfect if I could live in that house.
I don’t like that. I like that. I love that. I wish they wouldn’t do that.
That is not okay.
Do you see what I mean?
The Inner Judge is constant. Always on. Exhausting.
Letting your Inner Judge run wild is the same as placing a ton of conditions on your own happiness. Constant critique cannot coexist with radical acceptance of life and minding your own business — the two ingredients of unconditional happiness. (Side note: Your own thoughts, actions and emotions = your own business).
Plus, what we focus on grows. So the more we criticize, even if we do so silently, to ourselves, in our own minds, the more we see to criticize. The more energy we put into criticizing. The more space things we dislike or don’t want take up in our consciousness. The more we judge them, the more they grow in our experience of life.
The more we judge, the less we focus on appreciating what we love… and on creating more of that.
The thing is, your Inner Judge also judges you against a standard of rules that was trained into you as a child, very early in life. When you learned language, you also learned what constituted being a good or bad kid. You learned standards for what weight or body shape, or what amount of money made a person good or bad. What skin color or neighborhood was desirable, and which was not. What behavior was okay. What accomplishments made you okay or worthy.
As children, we were rewarded when we conformed to these “agreements,” and were punished when we broke them. That’s how the domestication of humans takes place. And that’s why these beliefs — these constant running judgments of others and self — can feel so real and still not necessarily be true.
Judgment is constant and pervasive in our culture. It can seem harmless and normal, because one of our culture’s broken beliefs is that it’s “normal for humans to suffer, to live in fear, and to create emotional dramas.” (via don Miguel Ruiz)
But in truth, it is depleting and life-sucking, this running Inner Judge. It also distracts us from what we’re here to do: to create, freely and easily. To live in the joy of creating. To radiate and be love.
In my School of Upliftment right now we’re studying don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements, a series of energizing, love-based principles that de-activate the played-out, fear-based beliefs that are seen as normal in our world. The Four Agreements help break these binds and access the freedom, growth and joy in which we were meant to live.
They are simple, but profound:
- Be Impeccable With Your Word
- Don’t Take Anything Personally
- Never Make Assumptions
- Always Do Your Best
But I’ve found that before you even begin practicing these four principles, you can experience a dose of relief from your Inner Judge.
You can find instant relief, for just a moment, by simply realizing that the Inner Judge is a thing. By noting and naming it, you witness the phenomenon. When you witness it, you almost inevitably pause it just for a moment. And in that moment, you may realize that it doesn’t have to be your reality. You don’t have to spend your whole life in judgment mode.
When you pause the judging for even a moment, you also experience a pause from the incredible turbulence judgment creates in your soul and spirit.
This is a moment of true enlightenment. You literally feel lighter when you realize you don’t have to live that way. That everything can actually just be okay. That you can be okay without conditions, and that you can access much more energy, clarity and power to create your own reality when you stop judging than you can when your Inner Judge is running a non-stop mental critique.
Radical acceptance of life opens up all this space inside. You can, slowly, stop judging everything all the time. It’s a practice you cultivate over a lifetime, but it is possible. And one of the first things that happens when you start this practice, is you slowly stop judging yourself.
Today’s newsletter came to me as I was driving down the street, hearing my Inner Judge and having an enlightenment moment of just not judging anymore, clear head space, for that moment. Immediately, I wrote this up and thought I’d better also include this poem which sits on my desk. I think you’ll find it relevant.
My beloved child
Break your heart no longer
Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality
The time has come, your time
To live, to celebrate and to see the goodness that you are…
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you
If one comes, even in the name of “Truth” forgive it for its unknowing
Do not fight
Let go
And breathe – into the goodness that you are
~Bapuji
Upcoming Events. I have a pretty delectable calendar of transformational talks and experiences coming up this Fall… would love to see you there!
- 10 Day Writing Challenge for Conscious Leaders, Starts September 10th, online
In this FREE Challenge, I’ll guide you through ten days of practice giving your Inner Judge (and Editor, and Censor) some time off every day. You’ll de-chaos your nervous system, trigger flow and learn how to use writing as a practice for personal growth, leadership and spiritual awakening.
- Lead & Inspire, September 18th–20th, Las Vegas, NV
$150 off registration with the code: beamazing
Powerful women sharing their stories, lessons, and insights on leadership and entrepreneurship.
I’m the opening keynote… I’m teaching how to level up your leadership from the soul level.
- Women’s Leadership Online Summit, September 20th–28th, Free Online Event
Learn How Top Women CEOs, Community Leaders, and Researchers Are Leading Change—And How You Can, Too!
- Responsive Conference, September 24th–25th, Astoria, NY
Get 20% of with my personal discount code: soultour2018
Join me — and 250 other innovators — for a stunning series of experiences all about the future of work and human development.
I’m THRILLED to be delivering the closing keynote: How to Bring Your Soul to Work.
- Cusp Conference, October 24th–25th, Chicago, IL
25+ inspiring and thought-provoking presenters, myself included, all of whose life work is around designing a brilliant future world.
I’ll be representing Spiritual Entrepreneurship. No big deal. 🤣
- Wellspring by Wanderlust, October 26th–28th, Palm Springs, CA
Part Wanderlust Festival, part ideas foundry, Wellspring brings together wellness experts, professionals, and enthusiasts to answer a simple question: How do we make ourselves and the world well? Over 200 classes, lectures, workshops and panels on yoga, meditation, social change, conscious capitalism and more…
THIS SPEAKER ROSTER is off the charts, folks. Russell Brand. Glennon Doyle. Marianne Williamson. The rev. angel Kyodo williams. Get your whole life and business together, consciously.
I’ll be keynoting on How to Bring Your Whole Team Into the Flow State, then doing a fireside chat with my friend, Wanderlust CMO Laura Gross on The Transformational Consumer and signing books, afterward.
Head up + heart out,
TNN
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