>> Here’s the AUDIO of today’s Transformation Tuesday.

Ram Dass wrote that throughout your life, you should “keep death on your shoulder and identify with your soul.”

I definitely agree with the soul part. That’s what you really are.

But whether you like it or not, occasionally life will put death right on your shoulder. That happened for many of us this weekend with the transitions of Clayton Christensen, Leila Janah and Gianna and Kobe Bryant: all beloved in various communities in my world.

This seemed like a good time to share my own process for taking stock of your life..

About 9-and-a-half years ago, I was 35 years old and had lots going for me in life, but I had a whole lot of drama, too.

So, on my 35th birthday, I decided to take stock. I could see that 40 and 45 were going to come, fast, and I could see that unless I put some sort of change process in place, momentum would continue to carry me into more of the life results I was already getting.

So I took the day, sat down and got really real with myself.

I played the movie forward of what my life was shaping up to be.

And I looked at every part of my life, systematically: Health, Relationships, FInances, Career, and so on.

I was proud that I’d not let being a teen mom stop me. I’d gotten Master’s and law degrees. I’d left the law, which I didn’t love, and gone into real estate. I’d learned how to make more money than I ever thought was possible.

And… I’d also made Very Bad Decisions with men… a couple of times.

And I’d allowed myself to develop some Very Bad Financial Habits, because I could always just make more money.

So the great recession had hit very, very hard.

I’d lost a lot of weight, but I’d done so with some very restrictive, command-and-control food and fitness practices that were flat-out unsustainable and unjoyful.

My marriage was failing. My kids were unhappy and acting out.

I was super susceptible to the opinions and approval of other people, so I just kept working harder, butI I felt like I was spiraling, mentally disorganized, pulled in different directions all the time, and not even really doing meaningful or truly fulfilling work.

I was just doing a lot of work.

I felt proud that I’d exercised a lot of freedom in my life, but I could also see that I ha’d used that freedom to create a lot of bondage for myself.

So on my 35th birthday, I called an audible.

I said “Thanks, God.” And: “I quit.”

I decided to quit the business of doing everything in my life my way, the hard way, on my own.

I decided to begin practicing trust and receiving grace.

I decided to withdraw some of my life force from all the outer endeavors and people and tasks and projects and started to reclaim it and bring it back inward.

I decided to envision my 45 year old self, and what she might want from me, and to start orienting my daily decisions and actions in that general direction.

And very soon, the specifics that were to become the direction of my path, began to reveal itself to me. By grace and in wonderful ways.

At first, my 45-year-old self required some hard things from my 35-year-old self, including making some difficult in the moment choices.

I chose to get divorced.

I chose to move out of my big, beautiful house and into my investment property.

That meant I chose to call that investment a wrap.

I chose to start sitting, praying, studying, reconnecting.

I chose to stop overruling my own Inner Guidance.

I chose to stop ruminating and picking the scabs of my old wounds, and start speaking up, saying what I mean and asking for what I need.

I chose to declare that my parents were good enough and to become my own inner, nurturant parent.

I chose to give up my maverick lifestyle of a real estate agent (temporarily), and at least be open to a day job that would create some guaranteed, bread-and-butter income while I got divorced and got my bearings.

And I chose to take a bunch of writing side hustles, to get myself out of debt.

This process was deeply spiritual and intensely practical.

Was it hard to get that real with myself?

To see what needed seeing and say what needed saying to myself?

It was hard to take the first few steps, sure.

But what began as a series of gifts I was trying to give my 45 year old self turned out to feel like gifts in the moment I began making those shifts.

When I turned 35, I reclaimed sovereignty over my life. 

And things started changing immediately.

This reclamation of sovereignty became the first season, the first stage of a journey into the masterful, magical life I now get to live.

Am I saying that my life now is perfect?

Actually, yes. I am.

I find myself in the perfect place at the perfect time, all the time.

Things happen that are not in my control, but when they do, I know for sure, in the moment that Divine Order is being established, that I am going from success to success, and that even in my unwanted or stressful circumstances I can find wisdom, power, clarity and often even higher and better outcomes than I could have cooked up myself.

When shit gets real in my life now, I know to look for what I stand to learn.

I look for what wonderful things might be coming to me.

Even when my plans are disrupted.

Even when people die.

That’s what life mastery feels like.

It feels like having the courage to take things out of your “unconscious shadows” pile and shine the light of consciousness on them.

It feels like reclaiming sovereignty over your own thoughts, emotions and actions, and not feeling blindsided or at the mercy of your life events.

It feels like understanding, knowing, loving and caring for yourself always, first and lavishly, so you have an ever-clearer understanding of what you want , who you are, how that would feel and clarity about what is getting in the way.

It feels like freedom from your past disappointments and traumas.

It feels like freedom from the trance of chronically seeking other people’s approval. (Trust me. It’s possible.)

It feels like being skillful in how you communicate.

It feels like practicing boundaries and holding others as powerful enough to fix their own shit and live their own lives.

Life mastery is not at all about controlling life or preventing unwanted things from happening.

It’s about awakening. And allowing. And actualizing your potentials.

And doing all of the above with joyful surrender and radical acceptance of how life really works.

Now I’m 44.

And last year, life handed me a bunch of surprises that honestly 10 years ago would have done me in. But, I was able to dive into and thrive through, largely because of the path my 35 year old self set me upon: the gifts I gave myself 10 years ago.

So I’m taking stock again.

I’ve been asking myself for a few months now: “What gifts can I start giving my 55 year old self, right now?”

And I got some clear answers.

They helped me know what I was in the market for.

And I didn’t have to start working hard to make a detailed action plan or figure out how to start real-izing the gifts I envision giving my 10-years-from-now self.

Because as soon as I knew what I was in the market for, the clarity of what gifts I wanted to give Tara in 10 years, all sorts of specific ways I can begin giving these gifts to my 10-years-from-now self started to just light up and line up.

That’s how easeful expansion works.

NOTE: I’ll share more about the gifts I’m now giving my 55 year old self in a few days, but for now I wanted to give you this Life + Self Mastery Checklist I just created.

This Life + Self Mastery Checklist guides you through a 15-minute exercise of systematically taking stock of your life, so you can start giving yourself.

>>> You can download it, FREE, here:  http://soultour.com/lsmchecklist

Head up + heart out,

Tara-Nicholle Nelson, MA, Esq.
Founder + CEO of SoulTour
@taranicholle on FB | TW | IG | LI

P.S.: Five years ago, I wrote an article about 15 things I did when I was 35 to be unstoppable at 40.

You can read it, in HuffingtonPost, here >>

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