I’m well-known in my circle for being very comfortable with awkward social pauses.

This happens most often when someone is venting or complaining about something, and I simply refrain from joining in.

Listen, whatever you do or so is okay, but your words contain great power. You are a spell-caster, whether you know it or not. And can create whole worlds with the words you speak, for better or for worse.

So if you desire to operate in the most powerful possible way, think twice before you engage in the habit of chronically complaining or venting.

Now, before you tell me venting is just a healthy form of self-expression, let me ask you a few questions:

When you vent, are you expressing yourself, or are you expressing your fear? 

When you vent, are you expressing yourself, or are you expressing your doubts? 

When you vent, are you expressing yourself, or are you expressing some catastrophic story of “the other shoe is about to drop” that you’ve been under the influence of, maybe for a lifetime? 

When you vent, are you expressing yourself, or are you expressing your desire to control someone else, your outrage that they’re not doing what you think they should be doing?

Yourself is a fractal of the Divine. You are the offspring of the Infinite Intelligence, the Limitless Love and the Creative Power that formed all worlds.

So I ask to tune into who you really are, and consider this question again: Are you actually, effectively, expressing yourself, when you’re venting? 

I see all of us as spiritual strategists.

So if the conversations you’re having chronically are not leading you in the direction of freedom, growth and joy… wholeness and liberation… intelligence, love and power, then your conversational strategy ain’t an effective strategy. 

Venting is effective at a bunch of things.

Venting will get you laughs from your friends.

Venting will get you the dopamine hit of bonding with others over struggle and pain… that feeling of belonging to the tribe.

Venting can give you that feeling of moral superiority over those you deem wrongdoers.

Venting can even get you the temporary soothing of staying within your comfort zone as you rehash the stories and scripts that keep you believing inner peace and a more fulfilled life aren’t really possible for you. 

But chronically venting also keeps the energy of struggle alive in your spirit and in your life. 

If you want an effective escape route from the struggle zone, try the Spiritual Strategy I call: Third Time’s a Wrap, inspired by something my friend Kathi Joy once told me.

You get to vent or tell your bad-feeling story three times.

And after the third time, you either stop telling the story or you have to tell a more empowered version of the story. 

This always works to shift the energy of a subject or issue in your life.

And I know this from personal experience. 

I have vented a lot in the past few weeks.

I’ve vented about freeway noise. 

I’ve vented about voting stickers, outraged that our culture gives adults stickers for what I judge to be expected, responsible behavior. 

And I’ve vented about poop, because: potty training.

So let’s talk about poop. 

The other day, I decided to take my own advice, and let the third time I told the struggle story about potty training be a wrap. 

And my entire experience of potty training shifted. 

When I stopped telling the story, I was able to set the struggle down.

I reminded myself this is just a developmental milestone. 

Nothing more, nothing less.

Nothing emotional.

Nothing to get agitated or upset about, even when there’s poop ON THE BOTTOM OF HER FEET.

Yes, y’all. On the bottom of her feet.

I sat Londyn down.

I talked with Londyn about how much I love and respect her.

She nodded, solemnly.

I talked with her about dignity, and about how I won’t be rushing her to the potty or pressing her about it anymore. 

She didn’t understand these words with precision. 

But she did understand the energy.

At the end of the conversation, she said: “My Mama is my best friend.” 

You shift the energy. 

You affect the atmosphere.

Don’t tune yourself to the channel of angst and outrage, complaint and grievance, agitation and struggle… and then expect to hear the sweet sounds of liberation, joy, success, happiness and abundance.

That ain’t how it works.

And if you’ve been a chronic complainer, there’s no need to judge yourself for that now.

That was just part of your process of becoming who you’re becoming. 

Choose to see it as a treasure that you’ve discovered this new thing to release, in the words of Louise Hay.

Right now, I invite you to reclaim your sovereignty over how you feel and over the results you get in your life, starting right now.

Stop letting your Inner Critic be the boss of how you see and narrate the world. 

Wield the power of your words lovingly, wisely and with intention. Notice when your conversations get a little performative, when you might be saying to get a laugh or to stay “on brand.” Choose to be quiet and turn your attention inward, even 2% more than you normally would.

Speak life over yourself and your dreams. Use your words to pour respect into others. Talk about high-minded things, beautiful things. You be the creator of the energy you keep active in your life on every subject by the stories you choose to tell. 

Build your life into the empire of your soul, and start doing it today with the power of your words.

Head up + heart out,

P.S.:  I had a totally different newsletter planned for today, but this lesson came as a divine download while I was walking my dogs this morning. I observed how the billions of blackberries that were on the bushes at the park two months ago have now been totally plucked clean by kids and people and birds and raccoons.

I thought about all these beings savoring the berries, juice running down their chins.

I thought about you, too.

And I said a little prayer that you might experience one moment today (or 1,000 moments) that you savor and delight in as much as all those beings savored and delighted in all those berries.

So let it be.

Tara-Nicholle Nelson, MA, Esq.
Founder + CEO of SoulTour

@taranicholle on FB | TW | IG | LI

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