Most coaches decide to coach because they’ve had a journey.

They fought some battles, went on some quests and returned victorious and transformed. 

They learned some things along the way.

They see things now they couldn’t see back then.

And they feel called and led to help others along a similar path.

To be clear: Most coaches do not coach because they think they’re perfect or think they’ve figured it all out.

In fact, on many topics the best coaches are just a few steps ahead of their Best Fit Customers on the transformational journey from where they’re at… to where they’re going. 

I say that all as context for the #1 piece of advice I give coaches, which is this: 

If you hear yourself giving your clients the same piece of advice over and over again, chances are good that advice is also meant for you.

Here’s a little story to explain:

The other day, Londyn was supposed to be getting ready to get out the door to attend her friend Joaquin’s birthday party in the glorious Oakland redwoods. 

She had a few little tasks left before we could leave, and we had a whole day of exciting fun planned once we left the house.

But instead of sitting down straight away and putting her shoes on, she kept excitedly spinning around in an adorably ineffective little circuit. She’d spend a minute futzing with her sandal, then pop up and squeal over Joaquin’s gift, then run to her room and happy-dance in the mirror, then go pet her doggy, Sumiko The Pug. 

Around and around she went. And occasionally, she would do this thing where she’d look backward but walk forward a few steps, before stumbling and then switching to the next stop on her circuit. She was going nowhere. And nothing was getting done. 

I called: “Londyyyyyyn! Bum! Sandalias!” (Sometimes with little kids, telegraphic speech works better. So I was saying: “Sit down on your bum and put your sandals on.”)

She squeaked from her little circuit: “But MAMAAAAAAA!! I don’t have time!”

I laughed, and gathered her little squirmy body into my arms, snuggled her cheek and said “My little cabbage…

“You have plenty of time to do everything you need to do.”

“You only run out of time when you run around in circles and keep looking behind you.”

Immediately, she seemed relieved. 

In the new “no time pressure” environment, I watched her plop right down on her bum, get her sandals on, grab the dog’s leash and stand at the door.

She was ready to go, just like that.

Time scarcity feels bad, whether you are 3 years old or 43 years old.

And relief from time scarcity always feels like alignment, because discovering that you have all the time in the world aligns with the fundamental truth that we all DO have plenty of time to do what we came here to do. 

Of course, to feel the truth of that, you have to realize that we didn’t come here to check off the boxes on some taskmaster’s checklist in the sky. That list of sheer tasks will never stop growing, so you’ll never get it done.

Here’s the good news: that’s not what you came here for.

What you came here for was liberation. Love. Joy. Engagement. Absorption in wonderful conversations and wonderful creations. Experiencing beautiful realities with wonderful people. Having delicious-feeling ideas and bringing them to life. 

You came here to experience the contrast of life, too, and through it to get clearer on what you really do want, and want to be about, and what you really did come here for.

And for that Brilliant One, you have all the time in the world.

Funny enough, I give that advice to others all the time.

I watch it down-regulate the stressed-out nervous systems of my clients all the time. 

I witness them easefully stop spinning in circles of indecision and ambivalence once they get off the “I’m behind” treadmill … I watch that happen all of the time, Brilliant One.

And I see how they, like Londyn, start taking bold, deliberate, smooth steps into success on their own terms once they click out of the cultural lie of time scarcity and get off the treadmill of doing the things other people call “success”.

But that particular day, as I heard myself give that advice to Londyn, I felt and received it myself, too. 

That might be the thing I love the most about coaching, to be honest. 

As I co-create a new way of being with my clients, I am transformed myself.

… back to my story. 

Londyn, Sumiko and I gathered our things and climbed into the car.

And as we pulled away from the curb, Londyn had one more question that turned into a coachable moment for her (and a self-coachable for me). 

She asked: “Mama, can I be a fruit bat?” For context, her favorite animated character is this little dog, Bluey, who transforms into a fruit bat at night, in his dreams.

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Londyn: “But I don’t know how to flyyyy.”

Me: “But love, you don’t have to know how to fly, in your dreams. You just decide you want to and you can do it.”

She nodded and took that in, then continued: “Will you be the Mama Fruit Bat?”

Me: “Of course. Where you go, I go.” 

Ok, so this is where the conversation took a whole turn I won’t tell you about here.

But I thought it was worth sharing with you the full set of lessons Londyn and I both took away from our  conversation that day. 

“You have plenty of time to do everything you came here to do.”

“You only run out of time when you run around in circles and keep looking back.”

When you doubt your own power. 

When you talk in opposition to your own dreams and goals. 

When you rehearse the evidence and explanations of why you don’t have what you want and why you can’t get what you want.

When you believe that because no one in your family has ever done it, you can’t either.

When you stay in the energy and the trauma of your own past disappointments and failures.

I invite you to set these thoughts down, when you see them arise.

And instead… refocus on what you want your future to look like.

Focus yourself into the energy of that. 

Daydream about that.

Let your resistance go, and go with the flow instead.

Become aware of what you truly desire.

Allow yourself to desire the fullness of it. 

The both/and of it.

If you feel inner conflict about the choices that you’re trying to get yourself to make, maybe the answer is that you want it all.

Don’t worry about whether you know how to do everything you’ll need to do to have what you want to have. 

Because, Beloved, in your dreams, you don’t need to know how to fly.

Just decide you want to and let the Divine handle the how. 

Open your eyes to see the help that is trying to get to you.

Open your arms to receive the help that is trying to get to you.

Take the natural next step.

See your Resistance arise when it arises… 

Allow it to rise and fall.

Take a little pause to shed it, rewiring your thinking and your thought habits to become more and more obedient to your own Inner Guidance.

Keep in mind all along the way that your desire, your bliss signals your unwanted emotions, and the disharmonies that arise are all Divinely wired traffic signs that say “go here” and “don’t go there”.

You have that guidance within you, so you never have to fear getting lost on your journey.

Stand in the lovely, blessed life you have right now, satisfied and reveling.

And feel your own eagerness to spot more evidence of the lovely blessed future that is coming to you and flowing through you.

So let it be. 

Head up + heart out,

PS: If you want to go deeper into how to stop spinning in circles and looking backwards, come to my free LIVE workshop, 3 Secrets to Stop Self-Sabotage (for smart, successful people). 

It’s this Thursday, July 15th at 12 noon PT | 3 pm ET. 

Here’s the link to sign up: soultour.com/stopselfsabotage

We’ll be covering: 

• The truth about where your self-sabotage patterns came from.
• Going from an Electric Fence Mindset to a Radical Trust Mindset.
• Reparenting to reclaim your True Self and your sovereignty.
• My method for rewiring your negative, self-doubting, fearful thoughts and energies.
• Exactly what to do next to step into the highly-aligned life you’ve always known was possible.

Tara-Nicholle Kirke, MA, Esq.
The Inner Critic Coach™️
Founder + CEO of SoulTour

@taranicholle on FB | TW | IG | LI

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