I want to talk to you today about something I’m calling the Envy Epiphany. 

So this is all about why you envy who you envy and what to do with that envy.

You know, I don’t really do random. So if I’m bringing you guys a lesson, it’s because there’s something happening in my life, in this moment, or in the universe, the world, this moment that’s causing this issue to come up. 

So we’re here to talk about envy today, because I keep having these conversations where people are saying, “Wow, dang, right, I’m jealous.”

So I had one conversation in a group where they had something they wanted to celebrate, and they didn’t know what to do to celebrate it. And I said, “Well, hey, for my 40th birthday, I went to nine places in the world that I had never been before over 18 months spent, you know, a month or two in some of these places, caught a boyfriend or two some of these faces.”

And they were like, “Whoa, I want to do that. I’m jealous.”

I had another conversation super recently, where I was sharing about my approach to solving my childcare problem that I had in the pandemic. 

Then I was sharing with some other moms about how when I had the same childcare problem that everyone else in the world had during the pandemic. I ultimately chose to resolve my childcare problem by joining a country club, because the country club had a kids club in it that didn’t close when all the schools closed, and had a pool where I could get lessons for my kid to swim at a critical moment in her swim, you know, education process. 

And I had the resources to do it. And so I did it. And it continues to be an incredible resource to my family.

And then people were like “Daring, I want to do that.”

So I was having a conversation, you know, at the baby school the other day with another mom who’s in a similar business to mine, but I think is charging way too little, and has not quite leveraged her full unique genius quite yet. 

So you know, we were talking and I’m like, “Yeah, we’re moving to Mexico City and like, I’m enrolled in this intensive Spanish class” and it was like everything I said she was like, “But I want to move to Mexico, but I wanted to learn Spanish.” I was like, “and I’ve got this like incredible nanny here who is I set the intention that I would get Beeson Mary Poppins and I got her. “

I have these two businesses that are amazing and everything is always working out for me and I have traumas in my life too. 

I have dramas in my life too. You know, I’ve had this very intense medical experience in the last year. But I also have the skills for them. I have the skills to be able to deal with them. And I mean, when I talk to you about a comeback, y’all physically come back on 1002. Right? I have beautiful help everywhere I go. And you know, it wasn’t always like this, this has been a journey of my lifetime. 

I was a 16-year-old mom in Bakersfield, California Baroque, let’s see 25 something years 20 Something like that, 20 something years ago. And so, I’ve had people say to me recently, “You’re so incredibly free, the things you’re doing are the things I want to do. “

And so in that context of having had a bunch of conversations like that recently, I was reading something from an author who I know and admire, and she said something like this.

She said, “Here’s what it means when you envy someone, when you envy someone, it’s actually a super helpful emotion.”

She said, “it tells you that somebody else has something that you wish you had yourself.”

Alright, so I was like, Is there really one sound and I, I mean, that is for sure the dictionary definition of envy when somebody else has something that you wish you had yourself, often that results in the emotion that we generally label envy.

But you know, what, my framework is all about recalibrating, actualizing and aligning. And I was like, “there is a way better, more meaningful and more useful way to interpret and understand envy.” So that’s the Epiphany, I want to give you guys today, I want to help you recalibrate. 

I want to help you recalibrate your understanding of envy, so that you can know what to do, you can know how to interpret it, when that emotion arises within you, okay? All right.

Envy does not mean that somebody else has something that you wish you had yourself. Envy means that somebody else has something that you already have within you that you have not that is ready to and wants to be released, wants to be activated, wants to be actualized, and has not yet been for whatever reason, your traumas, your disappointment, your trans as a fear, your trans of scarcity, you’re just not there yet in your life. You haven’t given yourself permission to do it yet. 

But when you envy something, it is a super helpful emotion.

What it means is that that person who you envy has something within them, there is something that you see within them, that you already have within you. And it’s ready to be released, it’s ready to be activated, it’s ready to be actualized. It just hasn’t been yet. Yet and it wants to be now. Okay, or wants you to begin that process now.

So because what I do is practice and teach and practice apply the metaphysics of self actualization. There’s a lot to understand and metaphysics about what this universe is, who you are in it, what your role is in it, the creations that you came here to create the sacred contracts that you came here to fulfill the things you came here to be and do and learn and have an experience. 

All right, and understanding the metaphysics of self actualizing your true sacred self requires understanding your own patterns, your own energies, and many of those patterns and energies are interpersonal, right. 

So as I teach it in our school of spiritual strategy, you will have these interpersonal energies All right? They are you have magnets that draw you repeatedly to other people who have certain patterns and energies within them until for the express purpose of fulfilling a contract you have to learn be do have create experience something and as soon as you do that learning those magnets, those polls on that magnet reverse, and you will no longer have those attractions to those kinds of people. 

You have moats, many of us in our attachment styles in our neurobiology and trauma, have motes energies that we actually signals that we send out and broadcast out unconsciously that keep help away. that keep the right kinds of people away. But keep resources and assistance away, right until we can see our modes and begin to dissolve them. And we also have mirrors, there are, there are magnets, there are modes, there are mirrors, there are people in your lot in this universe, who you specifically will come into relationship with, whether you know them personally or not, right sometimes is sometimes the Envy sparks because you’re like watching a documentary and you’re like, dang, I wish I could live that life. Right? 

Envy is one of our mirrors. Envy is one of our mirrors. And envy is the mirror pattern where you are being brought into contact with this other person. And when you feel that envy what is happening is your wise inner being sees something in them, that is that you have within you that is a unique sacred gift in you that wants to be unlocked unleash released, and that that’s the spark right now your why isn’t our being that and knows that and sparks that emotion and wants the gap between how you be and who you are and who you’re being now, and your potential true sacred big self, your wise inner being sees that that quality or trait in that other person and sparks and wants that spark once the gap between how you be and who you be now, and the end, who your potential Big, True Sacred Self is, wants that gap to create energy and direction for your life, for your progress for your purpose.

Now, if you will have a harsh hindering active inner critic, your inner critic also sees that gap also sees that part of you that trait of you in this other person, but your inner critic disagrees that you are that disagrees that you have that unique sacred potential and pulls you in the other direction of judging the emotion that you have as bad or wrong.

So envy is what we call it when it feels bad because we are in more you’re closer to agreeing with our inner critic with the voice of fear with our inner saboteur with our shadows. Envy is what we call it when we experience that like oh, a ha moment of hey, like I see this thing in you and it sparks this emotion in me.

We call it envy and judge it as unwanted and uncomfortable when we still are in agreement with our inner critic and our shadows and our inner saboteur. Right. But when you I like to think of a lot of these conversations that we’re having as conversations about a tug of this slight cosmic a tug of war between your wise inner being and your inner critic, which I’ll just use is like the persona if occation personification of fear, scarcity, unworthiness, all right, all of these trauma. So let’s just call all of that the persona, the voice of that is your inner critic.

All right, so we have this cosmic collectively and individually, okay, there’s not just a you didn’t make this inner conflict up. There is a cosmic battle. If you ever go to church with some old black church ladies. Trust me, you’re gonna you will hear them talk about that there is a battle on in this universe. And it ain’t between flesh and blood. It is a battle of principalities.

This is what they mean when they say that and they’re right, because, you know, black church, old black church, ladies are often right, just as a shorthand for there’s a battle of principalities. And they’re in the Battle of principalities that we’re talking about is it’s not you know, good and evil in the old oversimplified kind of way.

But the truth is that you have within you this wise inner being and you also have within you this voice of fear, I hear I see someone Miss cranes on Instagram saying, I’m in a constant tug of war, you are not alone, my love. You are not alone, my love, you are not alone, my love.

So we feel this constant for many of us in our conflict and win in a lot of these conversations that we’re having right now, that we have about spiritual strategy.

Spiritual strategy is, let me let me get intentional about how I say this. When you get skillful. The journey of becoming skillful with spiritual strategy is the journey of building the default mode, where when you have this inner conflict between your wise inner Being in your inner critic, you regularly drop the rope in that tug of war, and you drop the rope regularly in the direction of letting your wise inner being letting your capital B, capital S big self, when you let your big self when. And I mean this in the littlest ways, and in the biggest ways, I think about that all day throughout my day. So if you’ve ever had that experience of like trying to negotiate with yourself about why you don’t need to work out today, that’s that same tug of war. Right.

And when you get skillful with spiritual strategy is when you build the practice of regularly, you can actually get to a place where the negotiation isn’t even there that much, or that active or that loud anymore. Where you’re constantly letting your big self just win. And getting into alignment with whatever that be.

And I’ll tell you, it sounds scary, because your big self wants you to do these things that are way outside your comfort zone, which is true because your big self wants your expansion, your big self will bring you into inevitably, if you let your big self when that tug of rope tug of war. Your big self will bring you into more expansion. bigger dreams, bigger life. And for some folks that big life is big achievements.

For some folks that big life is nothing more than the breaking of generational curses that allows you to dwell in inner peace allows you to have a peaceful family or household. What you know big is relative. Big is relative.

All right, so when you’re when you have that envy feeling, meaning you’ve got this tug of war going on within you, you see somebody else that has something that appeals to you, and sparks that emotion within you, you’re wise and are being big self is like, Yo, that’s you, you see that? You have that in you too. You see that adventure she’s going on? Don’t you love that?

That’s because you are an adventurer, too. You are an explorer too. You see that business she has you feel that envy, or you feel that spark of energy? That’s because you that the entrepreneur in you, it’s like when we say Namaste, right? The divinity in me, the divinity in me salutes the divinity in you. It’s kind of like the opposite.

That’s like that spark of energy is like, whoa, do you see that in them, you will have that in you. And so when you we call it envy, if you’re still in agreement with in an end being hindered by your harsh inner critic, and we call it honestly we call it inspiration, admiration. When you drop the rope in that tug of war, and you’re letting your big self win, and you let yourself see that the reason you feel that spark of energy that you feel is that that person has something that you have to.

And I see it all the time and my students, those who are like, Yo, wait a second, I admire this, I see that energy, I see that people will say like, I want to be in your expansive energy. That’s because those are people who have kind of won, they’re letting go. They’re letting their big self win. And they’re seeing something in me that they admire.

But they also are starting to believe that the reason they admire it is not because they’re envious in a way that shouldn’t be judged or shamed. But but because there’s some something within them what that the thing that I have or that I am or in doing that they desire to do that that energy is within them too. And they desire to be expanded. Right? So they get in the energy of that expansion. So you know, I like to think that what the specifics hit, let’s talk about what to do when you feel envy.

I think actually, anytime you feel any unwanted emotion anytime you have any unwanted experience, you should be asking yourself the question, what wonderful thing is Trump could be trying to come to me through this, okay?

And I don’t mean that in like a super spiritual bypassing way. I mean, literally, when people die, you can ask yourself this question in a very deeply meaning making kind of way so that no experience is lost on you and so that you like get maximum juice from the frickin squeeze of life. If you’ve got to go if you’ve got to go through stuff and we do because life involves things that do spark suffering, why not try to get meaning out of them?

So when I say ask yourself What wonderful thing could be trying to come to you through this? I don’t mean like, just the the, you know, idea like, oh yeah, I might go to the burrito shop and meet the love of my life. I mean, maybe there’s some like Game Changing disruption to your personal mythology that’s trying to happen, that wants to happen.

There’s some part of your expansion that is trying to happen that could be furthered by your envy, so called envy of this other person. So one way to begin to work with and use your envy is to, you know, kind of get still and quiet with yourself have an introspective practice, this is why in all of our programs, we ask people to do a daily a specific prescribed daily ritual that I send them six days a week where I’m like, do this, right.

Because you do have to build some level of infrastructure for your inner life so that you can have these reflections and get this meaning instead of just constantly reacting to the world and, and going to sleep and then waking up and reacting to the world and going this is like, so tune in to what it is about that person that you envy, right? Because what the specifics of what it is about that person that you envy or the beginning of revelation for you, it begins to reveal to you what it is within you that wants to be unleashed. O

kay, so when someone says to me, “gosh, I am so jealous of your freedom.” What I know is that the self Liberator in them is sparking at seeing the self liberation that I’ve experienced.

So I in my mind, I’m sending them blessing raise for their own liberation that second, so Miss cranes and Instagram says like authenticity, right? If you see somebody else being fully authentic, and you’re like, damn, I would love to be able to express myself or show up in the world like that. That means you’re on your way I declare that for you is cranes on Instagram.

Like, that means you are on your way, the authenticity in you the full, like bring 100% of yourself to the world edition is in you is ready to be cultivated and unleashed.

And don’t rush it just like let it things take the time they take. Sometimes it’s like you see somebody else do be that way. And it’s like instant permission and you just start being that way. Sometimes it’s the beginning of putting you on a path or a process or a journey. Either way is great. Let it take the time it takes all right.

So I’m going to just drop you a few like concepts that I see people reacting to in me that and I think it’s because they have it in them. They see my self healing journey physically and from trauma and from you know, trauma and drama.

Truly, I’m not even being like facetious at all. So I’m like yeah, then the self healer in you is ready to be released. The explorer and adventurer in you wants to be released. This soulful and aligned and profitable and impactful and influential and transformational. Wealthy creator entrepreneur in you wants to be unleashed.

The big dreamer in you sees my big dreams. And it’s like, Damn, I’ve had so many people say I want to dream like you dream. That’s because the dreamer is already active in you. And it’s like chomping at the bit it’s about to come out. Right the big expansive true sacred self in you sees mine and wants to come out.

Right wants to there’s a part of you that wants to give you sees me do it and wants to give yourself permission to pivot. Permission to reinvent yourself. Permission to plot twist. Permission to lick the freakin plate in life to use the phrase of my friend Victoria castle. Permission to make a frickin move, make a move, make a decision, set a date, make a frickin move, and let the chips fall where they may. And that’s a word for somebody.

Yes, I’m intentional. I do these spirals of transformation. I do all this healing. I do believe that. And then sometimes you set a freaking date and you make a freaking move and you let the chips fall where they may.

Because you trust that everything is always working out for you. And if you know this, like Kanye said 100 years ago, the pessimist just don’t talk to him. Literally just don’t talk to him. So somebody sees that i That’s my sometimes there’s some people in your life you cannot talk to there’s some people in your life you cannot share your dream with. You don’t have to ask for permission.

You have to give yourself permission. You have to learn your own wiring. You have to do your own healing. You have to let things take the time they take. All right. And the last the tool that I want to share with you beyond all of those things, the mantra of what what what are the inquiry Let me say the inquiry promptly at what wonderful thing you know what fuel and direction can I get out of this unwanted emotion?

What you know what what is it within that person that I’m envious of that I see that this sparking something in me because I have it in me already. The last tool I want to offer you is the tool of collective effervescence and it is a spiritual strategy. I was at dinner the other night. I had a sitter the other night and had this like beautiful series of yes signals that was happening on my Mexico City move.

Literally were in a day’s time. I found an apartment realize the owner of the apartment lives 15 minutes from my house in Oakland, invited her to meet me at my club. She came out and met me and we brokered a deal in like a day. All right, so I’d had this wonderful day and I just happen to have a sitter in place for that night I had my friend Keisha, who’s also coaches and is a coach on her own and she coaches, employees to entrepreneurs. And she coaches sometimes at soul tour. T I was like Keisha can have dinner with me. She’s like, great. And she could and it just like all lined up. So we sat there and like one of my favorite tables at my club getting beautiful service, beautiful food.

There was this other table of like older black women across US, they were having this beautiful party and their energy was amazing. And they kept they were saying they came by our table with like, you guys are beautiful. Because Keisha and I have that collective effervescence. That is the opposite of when you see something others that you see someone you’re envious of them, there’s something they have that you want, and you don’t believe you can have it and that creates that that ah, envy.

The flip side is what Keisha and I have, and I call it collective effervescence. I have it with Keisha, I have it with a bunch of my students and members, I have it with some of my coaches and mentors and therapists, we have it and created intentionally in our own mastermind and in our own school collective effervescence, which is just this like mutual contact high of expansion energy, right.

And so what I want you guys to do is to start getting intentional about surrounding yourself, get finding other people who have those traits that you want, or are in that mode of expanding in the way that you want to expand and who are doing things.

They don’t have to be doing all the biggest things ever, but they do have to be, you know, people have power and people have purpose and people are people have progress. And I want you to start gradually letting that envy transmute into energy and fuel and direction and admiration, right?

I want you to start calling these people in, you’ve heard like, you know, in various spiritual traditions, there’s this idea that were two or more are gathered in the name of source spirit, all that is God, like, Holy Spirit descends and like fills up the place and things are different. The atmosphere shifts, what’s possible shifts, right? I want so you can create that collective effervescence, that extra kind of energy and extra intelligence.

By getting yourself in the room and sure on Zoom, but also in the real life room. That’s why in our new as I relaunch our programs, we’re actually building in real life experiences into many of the programs because we need to be in the room with each other.

All right, and so you can kind of look up the idea of a mastermind, Napoleon Hill was the one who kind of originally documented and use that phrase mastermind in a mastermind was really not meant to be like a coached curriculum, it’s meant to he actually talked about it as like, kind of like connecting a bunch of batteries to a single wire, where you’re increasing the amount of power that can pass through the wire, but because each battery adds this extra capacity, so the idea was that more minds, you know, through spiritual law, stimulate and expand the capacity of power for all the other minds in the group.

And so he talked about masterminds is like get in the room with other people create these friendly alliances with one or more other people, where the whole sort of mission of the congregation of the gathering is to encourage each other to follow through on your expansion. 

And I want to just say like if you do if you do and you can do this with friends, you can do this by getting in the room with them. mentor, a coach, a therapist who actually can help you problem solve or can witness and help you heal. Or you can do this by joining a formal mastermind group. If you’re interested in our groups, they’re not open yet, but they will be soon. Just DM me on whatever platform you’re in the word epiphany. 

And we’ll make sure you’re on the list. To get be one of the first to know when we open our groups back up. Yeah, as you create masterminds, I will say this, be careful, because take be cautious cuidado cuidado. Okay, be intentional. Be intentional about their energies. If someone’s energy, don’t just don’t feel right in your soul, that’s a good enough reason not to mastermind with them. 

Okay, be careful of the Coqui Dido, when it comes to their paradigms, it is very, I’m going to do a whole life just on picking certain Be careful whose paradigms you pick up. Be careful whose paradigms you pick up. So you know, you need to be around other people who speak life, who believe in expansive possibilities, who feel like expansion energy when you’re around them.

And you need to be intentional about making sure there is great harmony and alignment in the group, take care with those relationships, invest in them, be there for them, pour into them, you need to be around people who will ask who are aligned with you on values. All right, like, you need to be around with people who can push back on you and be like, but girl, is that really true? Like when you say that you have a limitation, it can be like the homie, for real. I don’t think so, you know what I mean, in a constructive way. 

You need to be around people who have other resources, or thoughts or insight or influence that they’re willing to bring to bear for your purpose and your programs. And you also need to make sure you’re around people, and this is a big one, as people are joining paid groups, you need to be around people who have similar values.

Okay, so I’ve been in some groups that were very oriented toward entrepreneurship. And it’s kind of like, if, you know, all they’re oriented around is money, and conversion. And I’m like, That’s a great, that’s like a piece of it. But that’s not the only reason I do the business than I do. Like I do this business, because it’s my soul. It’s my sacred, it’s one of my sacred contracts. 

Actually, it’s millions of My sacred contracts. It furthers me and furthers my people, there’s furthers my family, I had a very large financial target for the business vision that I just recently rolled out to our vendors and our teams. And someone pushed back and was like, I just don’t, I think this is smaller, I think this is too small for you, you can do more. And I’m like, Yeah, I could do more. But I also work 25 hours a week, and I also have a four year old I want to be around.

And I also don’t believe in just money for the sake of money. That’s literally what we call metastatic toxic capitalism. And I also like, Yo, we don’t just set goals for the sake of it, there’s a reason and a y and a soul and an alignment to them. 

You know, so make sure you’re if you’re going to mastermind with people, which you should make sure they are people who have similar priorities, purpose, Value Set vision as you. And at the same time, make sure they’re not all just like you some of the most powerful transformational coaches, consultants, vendors, I’ve had in my business.

I mean, one of the most powerful is this guy named sky Brian, who’s like from the south and, and kind of like an atheist. And I met him and he was like, Yo, I don’t even know what you do. But I’m pretty sure your business is going to be one of the biggest businesses I’ve ever worked on just because I’ve met you, but I don’t even understand what you do. And so, and he was like, So break it down.

So what are those words mean? What are those words mean? And there was this incredible power we got out of me and all of my creative flow, divine feminine, him and all of his very focused like masculine energy. And the rigor that he required. He used to draw out from me some of the essence of what I was doing in the business and the essence of the value that we created. Right? So make sure that you have people with whom you are aligned on and in harmony with around like values and vision, but who are not all just like you.

And the thing that I love and Napoleon Hill says, about mastermind, and the idea was truly like that. When you join up with other people, there is another mind that is created. It is the mastermind that is greater than all than any of you individually. All right, there’s an energy, I just happen to actually be one of those people who believes there is one infinite intelligence that is in everything in this universe. And we activate it when we come into connection with and agreement with. But you need you need someone to stand in agreement with you on your dreams, your visions, your goals, your intentions. All right, you can do big things on your own. 

So I love this, there’s a quote Napoleon Hill has about how the mastermind principle is the principle through what you can accomplish in one year in the mastermind more than you could accomplish without it in a lifetime, if you’re dependent solely on your own efforts. All right. 

So I love that I love that energy. I love that vibe, I want you to take full advantage of that. And the other thing you’ll see is as you get into masterminds, if you care about them, and you start to care about the dynamic and the people, they will also it’s like anything else that you do, especially with respect to your business or your goals, it will call forth, it will trigger you people, the people will trigger you, they will stare your shit up, you will start to see that you have these other things that you know, stop you from getting help you you will see where you have I’ll do what I do on my I’ll do it myself syndrome, you’ll see where your vision might be too small, you’ll see where you need to go faster, you’ll see where you need to go slower, you’ll see where maybe some of your team building efforts, your efforts to delegate have gone poorly, because and you’ll see that you’re the common denominator. And you’ll see where you can do that work and you’ll start to do that work. 

So it’s it can be a very, very healing and transformational experience, even though it’s you know, it is more people to be in relationship with. Alright, so that is it for me for today. I love y’all, I will see you a bunch I’m going to I’m doing lives all the time. 

Now, just because I got a lot to say and I love to talk to you guys. I missed you this weekend. I’ll tell you about the weekend soon. I want you to keep your head up. I want you to keep your heart out. And for sure I will see you here on the next transformation Tuesday. Oh, if you love this, please like it. We’re on whatever platform you’re on. If you’re on YouTube, please subscribe. And also click the little bell so you can get notified when I do new lives. I love to see you too. This is so beautiful. I give thanks for technology that we can do this.

Let’s see what else Oh, if you want to get notified if you want to get these actually in your email inbox, go to soultour.com/subscribe for $11 a month we actually send these to you, and on Saturdays we send you a whole nother set of wonderful teachings things from my archive, deep-dive, you know more like our 90-minute, two hour or sometimes even teachings and a practice of the week a daily ritual other week. I think that’s about it.

Oh and you know, share this. Let’s bring that collective effervescence in. If you have another friend who you think would love to reach their full potential before they die, this is the place for them to be so make sure you share and let’s make it a party. All right. I love you. I’ll see you next transformation Tuesday and also live. I’ll see you soon.

Head up + heart out,

Tara-Nicholle Kirke, MA, Esq.
The Metaphysician
Founder + CEO of SoulTour

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