I’ve had an affirmation practice for the better part of 20 years. It’s one of the ritual practices that serves me the best when I travel. 

Years ago, when I started traveling extensively, I decided I would not be a fussy traveler. I would take what I needed and assume that anything I forgot would likely be available for sale wherever I went, given how many billions of humans don’t live where I live and seem to make it through.  I suspended my family’s germophobia.

I suspended the need to get it right, to plan it right or to even plan my trips out too much. I decided if I found someplace I loved, I’d just keep coming back until I had my fill, so there was no need to be persnickety about trying to fit all the sights in. 

Some of my Daily Declarations serve me particularly well when I travel, like: 

I am in love with everyone and everyone is in love with me. (You might think that’s crazy, but it basically builds a force field around you.)

And….

Everything is always working out for me. 

And…

I give thanks for the Divinely planned, Divinely financed, Divinely protected journey and look ahead with wonder for the traveling mercies that befall me. 

So… during the pandemic, Londyn and I took her first international trip, to Mexico. We kept it short by design, and I had a bunch of business and personal tasks to take care of throughout the timeline. 

Our first flight was from San Francisco to Baja California Sur. Three hours seemed easy-peasy lemon squeezy, and I even had a travel nanny along to help. 

So we piled into our row and kept Londyn entertained with books and magnets and such the whole way along. 

She was happy the whole time… until the pressure change of the landing. She started whining, then crying, then pulled off her mask and refused to put it back on. We were just a few moments from landing, so it seemed like it’d be over soon. 

And then it happened. A woman sitting in front of us, who’d perhaps had a few too many of those tiny bottles of vodka for a 3 hour flight (I don’t judge), turned around, red in the face and screamed at Londyn WE DON’T WANT TO WEAR OUR MASKS EITHER!!!

My eye started to twitch, my very Oaklandish alter-ego came out and immediately leaned my body over between the woman’s face and Londyn and said: “Seriously? HEY. SHE’S THREE. I’mma need you to turn back around.”

And then something even better happened. 

The nanny, who’d been a bit anxious herself, swooped in and corrected the woman: “Ma’am! You are NOT allowed to speak to this child – this PERSON – again. Do you understand?”

The woman’s husband pulled her sleeve and hissed something at her. 

Another passenger across the aisle said “Oh, uh-huh. That’s a BABY. You can’t talk to her like that.”

The two women behind me tapped my seat and said “You guys are doing EXCELLENT. We’ve been watching you the whole time. Don’t listen to that.”

(Some of y’all might be tripping that I got angry with this woman. This culture wants some women to never be angry, and wants others to be kind of holding in a pent-up anger at chronic injustice and unhealed trauma. That shows up as gastric distress, connective tissue problems, heart disease… I’m not kidding. So I’m not talking about that kind of anger. But ANGER can be a very, very righteous emotion. It gives you the energy and the information to do exactly what needs doing in a moment. So when it comes, let it do its work. Even Jesus flipped a few tables, and in all the other world religions there’s a face of God that is incredibly destructive and violent at clearing out stuff when it ain’t right. That’s all I’m saying.)

Okay, but back to the plane. 

Soon we were taxiing to the terminal, and gathering our materials, but the woman, chastened, never said another word until we saw her in the restroom, where she sheepishly said: “You guys can go ahead of me.”

But that’s not the end of this story.

Days later, when we’d left Baja for the Yucatan, Londyn asked me and the nanny: REMEMBER WHEN THAT LADY ON THE PLANE TRIED TO BOSS ME?

Nanny looked sad and stricken at the thought that Londyn would be forever damaged by this memory. 

I said, I DO REMEMBER! 

And then I asked Londyn: Do you remember what happened next? 

Londyn said YES! as her eyes lit up and the Nanny looked confused. 

She said, excitedly: EVERYBODY ON THE PLANE YELLED AT HER!! YOU yelled at her, Lily Rose (the Nanny) yelled at her! Then she stopped trying to boss me! 

And I replied: That did happen. And I want to make sure you know that you don’t have to let big people boss you. If you feel sad or mad, you get to cry and you get to feel that. Big people don’t get to tell you what to do just because they’re big, and you don’t have to follow instructions of people you don’t know. 

She smiled contentedly and grabbed my hand. We went on about her day. After her bedtime that night, the Nanny knocked on my door to check in about the incident. 

She was still shaken that Londyn remembered the incident, and wanted to know how I was feeling about it. 

She was worried that Londyn would always remember her first plane trip as the day this tipsy lady screamed at her. But I had a different take. 

“Actually, it seems like what she remembers is that everyone had her back. I did. You did. Strangers did. It was kind of like our declaration – everything worked out for her. Everyone stood up for her, even the tipsy lady’s own husband. That’s what she remembers.”

She remembers that everything worked out for her, just like in the affirmation. 

That she was in love with (mostly) everyone and everyone (who mattered) was in love with her. 

I remembered that we were protected, provided for and safe during every moment of that journey. 

The inspirations, ideas and whole life plot twists we had on that trip? They were like miracles following miracles and wonders that never ceased. 

That’s kind of how things go when you know for a FACT that you’re one of the most blessed beings that ever lived. Even when things go quote-unquote wrong, you know it’s just a setup for some blessing to chase you down. 

We went over the incident with Londyn a couple more times like that, and I’m certain that’s what she remembers. How everyone had her back, more than anything else. 

And I love that. Because I love for kids to know that they are real and that they matter. I love for them to know that the grownups who have a sacred contract to protect them have their back and are not embarrassed by their self-expression, but will protect their right to it. 

Kids need to know that they will not earn more love or approval from their parents by squelching their voice or shutting up. And they need to know that they won’t lose love or affection from their parents by being loud or showing their emotions. 

You might be wondering why I’m sharing this story with you now.  Is it a lesson about parenting? Mmmm, I guess so… maybe 20%. 

But the real principle I want you to catch here is this: that your own Inner Child needs you to stand up for her, too. 

Your Wise Inner Child is the intelligence within you that cries out and kicks the seat when your life is veering into a territory that is misaligned from your own highest good. Your Wise Inner Child sees you still stuck in that shadow job and kicks the seat. Your Wise Inner Child witnesses your self-silencing habit stopping you from speaking up, saying what you mean and asking for what you need … and howls. 

The cries of your Wise Inner Child might look like a chronic feeling of inner conflict. It might look like a struggle switch within that stops you from doing the things you think you want to do. It might look like overeating or narcotizing with wine, chips 

And very often, the “tipsy lady” that tries you shut your Wise Inner Child up… is your own Inner Critic. 

Your own Inner Critic will say, no… all marriages feel like this, do you want to end up alone? 

Your own Inner Critic will shush your Wise Inner Child, telling you to stay put at that job, stay small, stay under the radar to stay safe.

Your own Inner Critic will tell you you don’t have time to write or create, even though you spend hours a week surfing Facebook or meta or whatever that nonsense is trying to be. 

Your Inner Critic will say WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE when you even think about acting on your inspired idea, causing you to set the same old New Year’s goals you really don’t care about (and thus, never actually follow through on) like losing 20 pounds or finally doing your estate planning. 

If you’ve ever heard me talk about the process of healing and transforming your Inner Critic thought habits, you know that the second step involves reparenting yourself. 

You get to be the parent to your Wise Inner Child that I got to be to Londyn that day.

You get to stand up for your Wise Inner Child… to your harsh Inner Critic.

You get to say NO MORE.

No more self-silencing.

No more tolerating disharmony and dysfunction. 

No more waiting to be heard or to experience joy until after the kids grow up, after the husband retires, after the school year is out, after the medical treatment is done. 

You get to ensure that your Wise Inner Child has the ability to fully express her truths, observations and emotions. 

And your Wise Inner Child will do what Londyn did. 

She’ll feel heard. 

She’ll stop howling. 

She’ll get on board, even if the path into your Best Life is slow and gradual, like most paths are. 

She’ll feel like you’re on the same team.

What has felt like inner conflict for so long will begin to feel like all the intelligences within you are allies, teaming up for your benefit. 

And you’ll get all the energy that was going into the inner struggle back. It won’t be long before you’ll feel more energized and more available to yourself and the things that matter to you. 

Try listening to your own Wise Inner Child—to it’s “shackles on/shackles off” messages, or the feelings of contraction or expansion, or the inspirations or nudges to SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING in the moment—just try it.

Then, hit reply to this email and let me know how you feel.

Head up + heart out,

PS: If you’re wondering HOW to listen to your Wise Inner Child, that’s exactly what I teach in the Actualization and Alignment modules of The Inner Critic Cure.

Feel free to join me there: The Inner Critic Cure

But journaling is also a good place to start. 😉 Write a question you have for your Wise Inner Child at the top of a journal page. Then turn off your Inner Censor and just start brain dumping. If you let it rip, by page 2 or 3, your Wise Inner Child is usually present and ready to speak.

Tara-Nicholle Kirke, MA, Esq.
The Inner Critic Coach™️
Founder + CEO of SoulTour

@taranicholle on FB | TW | IG | LI

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